so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sarcasm needs its own font
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
