I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
