Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this beer tastes like vomit already
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
