when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
