Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
