she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You can't motorboat a personality
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
