The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
