Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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