i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
