I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
