just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
