I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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