I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
