oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize