Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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