Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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