dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
