Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
