Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As shirtless as possible
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize