Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
