Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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