UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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