yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
