my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
