I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
