I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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