you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
