i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize