$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
