honey bunches of taint.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
