Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
