i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
