Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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