OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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