yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
