I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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