Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then my night got REAL pukey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
