Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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