meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
