And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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