Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
