you guys were way drunker than both of me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
