So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
