Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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