If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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