I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
