She announced her abortion via fbk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
