I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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