duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
