she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
