I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
