We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
