i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
