But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
