I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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