I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
