what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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