We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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