I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
