i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
