I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
