PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
