marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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