Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
