from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
