thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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