Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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