Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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