Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
