Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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