oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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