We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
