i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
